mind, the poison
A long time ago, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.
Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.
Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.
Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, “Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”
Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.” Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.
He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some pork or chicken and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly toward her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.” Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.
Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.
The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.
One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, “Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”
Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”
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moral; time usually repair/fixes problems. Poison of the mind is as common as two left feet. Often we have ill feelings toward others that simply go away as one grows on us. As I reflect on this I think we all can relate to this situation. We have all probably known someone that we did not get along with at first but as time went by a bond grew in some way or another. I recall my mother telling me she did not like my step father when she first met him. He was boastful and loud, he was strong willed and intrusive in ways, but he treated my mother like a queen and won her affection.
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poem by zen poet; Dogen 1200-1253
The moon reflected
In a mind clear
As still water:
Even the waves, breaking,
Are reflecting its light.
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have a dog gone good day

Morning zendictive. Nice post. It brought to mind something that happened between my mother and me back in the 1970s,though it mightn’t be an exact fit with what you’re saying. It’s a longish story, and even though I was typing it out here I eventually decided invading your blog with it would be a bit crass, so I’ll save it for an entry on mine, I reckons. But the post you made here certainly opens up a whole side of our interactions with others worth examining. Gracias, Jules
Old Jules - December 1, 2011 at 9:45 am |
This is great!
One thing everyone should try — if there is a difficult person in the family — one that is prejudiced towards certain classes of people, critical of others, events, situations — then try this for a few days — agree with everything that person says, not matter how ridiculous — that person will usually start examining there own beliefs, particularly if they are not looking for agreement but conflict. Will bring you closer to that person, yes, but can cause that person to examine there own beliefs sometimes.
zumpoems - December 1, 2011 at 11:32 am |
Very nice parable, Zendictive. Amazing how the mind and our attitudes towards things shapes “what is”. And how changing our attitude can create “what can be”.
Great post!
J. White Sensei - December 1, 2011 at 11:35 am |
Bows (~_~) Humble
thank you for your comment and insight, Sensei
I hope to give the gift of enlightenment to the world…
Art~
zendictive - December 1, 2011 at 11:51 am |
Oh, my goodness gracious! You have been eavesdropping on me talking about my mother-in-law! GASP! Thanks for the reminder for us all to be empathetic and loving and trying harder to see the root causes in the ill-behaviors around us. We need to be vitamin sprayer, not poison drippers!
granbee - December 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm |
I love the story and I know it to be true.
willowdot21 - December 1, 2011 at 4:32 pm |