Well, the new general where I work gave a speech and told this little tale about the “outhouse” ( after he presented me with the “Employee of the Month Award (~_~)… Art~

Now man kind has been pooping outside, behind the bushes, for many years. Even when it was raining they pooped in the rain and when it snowed, they pooped in the snow… now man probably built the first out house but you can bet it was a woman that made him do it. Buford had some old wood laying around from the old barn, so he built an out house to please his wife. But the concept caught on till nearly every one had an out house. Then one day a man was designing his family home when the woman suggested that the out house be attached to the home so they didn’t have to walk into the rain or snow. Man has made some outstanding things through out the years but you can bet it was an woman’s idea.

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There was once a country boy who hated using the outhouse because it was hot in the summer and freezing in the winter…plus it stank all the time. The outhouse was situated on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.


So one day after a spring rain the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

 That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing this meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, “Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn’t it, son?”

 The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, “Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn’t get into trouble because he told the truth.”

 The dad replied, “Well, son, George Washington’s father wasn’t in that cherry tree.”

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outhouse humor

OutHouses"Jokes

hoping your day is, not crappy

(~_~)

Once there was a goat who was walking to town to eat with his friend the llama. As the goat was walking, he came upon a man who was looking like he was either about to scream or cry. The goat asked the man, “what’s wrong?”

The man replied that his wife had just left him.

The goat said, “well, that’s nice, gotta go,”

but the man said, “wait! I sense that you are an enlightened master who has come to teach me the way to enlightenment in my time of need. Please teach me all that you have to know.” The goat reluctantly agreed, and took the man on as a student. The man followed the goat for many days, and tried to talk about spiritual things. Every time he did, the goat would bite him on the arm or leg, whatever was closest. The man realized the wisdom in this, and began to enjoy the journey itself. However, one day, he was feeling unsatisfied with the situation, and pleaded with the goat to teach him something about the nature of the Universe.

The goat reluctantly agreed, and after finding a good place for meditative thought next to a lake, began to instruct the man: “Tell me, man, can these trees continue to grow if the sun stops shining?” “No, Master, it cannot. Without the sun, the trees will die.” “And what of the rivers? Can they continue to flow without the rain?” “No, Master, they cannot. Without the rain, the rivers will dry.” “And what of the teachings that lead to enlightenment? Can enlightenment occur without someone to teach the teachings of enlightenment?”

“No, Master, I do not believe that they can. Without a Master, all of the teachings will disappear, and no one will be able to be enlightened.”

“Wrong!” the goat said sharply. “In the case of the sunshine and trees, and in the case of the water and the river, there was always a cause and an effect. For each effect within the world, you can be sure there is a cause, and for each cause, there must, by definition, be an effect. But the teachings of enlightenment do not exist, and therefore have no cause or effect. Why not? Can you tell me why not?”

The man looked confused, and said, “Master, I don’t understand. Why do you say that the teachings of enlightenment do not exist?”

The goat breathed deeply, and said, “Okay, let me try my question in another way. You say I am an enlightened Master. How did I get to be an enlightened Master? Take your time and answer me correctly.” The man closed his eyes and thought deeply. Many different answers came through his head, but none of them felt correct. He waited until he thought of an answer that seemed so obvious, he wondered why he had not thought of it. “Through your past lifetimes, Master. You have been practicing for many lifetimes and you were able to overcome all hardships and reach enlightenment.”

“Wrong!” the goat said again. “Please, think about the answer and try again.” The man sighed, and again closed his eyes and thought deeply.

Again many answers came into his mind, and in fact many of the same answers came again and again. He began to doubt for a moment whether or not his first answer was correct, but he quickly removed all doubt from his mind with an effort of will. He then thought, in order for me to come up with the correct answer, I should stop thinking about anything at all. Then, all of a sudden, an answer came into his head. “Through the power of the Universe. You came to be a Master because of the power of the Universe, which somehow knew that I would need you. Everything works out! Everything has a plan! I understand now, Master!”

“Wrong again!” the goat said in the same tone as before. “This is the last time. Please, think about the answer and try again.”

The man began to breathe heavily. He was discouraged and couldn’t understand what the answer was supposed to be. He closed his eyes and tried to think deeply again. Something was bothering him, now. He thought that he had found some sort of new understanding, but now his doubt was now back, stronger than before. He tried and tried, but he couldn’t ignore it or push it away as before. Then, all of a sudden, it hit him. “Goats can’t talk!”

The goat got up from where he was sitting and bit the man on the arm, and walked away. The man was enlightened.

zen slap

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2015 …the year of the goat

(~_~)

 

It’s easy to regard time as a commodity—we even speak of “saving” or “spending” it. We often regard it as an enemy, when we feel it slipping away before we’re ready for time to be up. The Zen view of time is radically different than that: time is not something separate from our life; rather, our life is time. Understand this, says Dainin Katagiri Roshi, and you can live fully and freely right where you are in each moment. 

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The word “zen” is a Japanese way of pronouncing “chan”, which is the Chinese way of pronouncing the Indian Sanskrit “dhyana” or “sunya”, meaning emptiness or void. This is the basis of zen itself – that all life and existence is based on a kind of dynamic emptiness (a view now supported by modern science, which sees phenomena at a sub-atomic level popping in and out of existence in a quantum froth).

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I have been grappling with the idea that time is like a river, flowing toward the end. For each of us it is a different trip all heading to the final destination. Life is not about the destination but about the journey.  Art~ (~_~)

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(~_~)

z5

 

have a zen filled day

(~_~)

One day Emperor Akbar and Birbal were taking a walk in the palace gardens. It was a nice summer morning and there were plenty of crows happily playing around the pond. While watching the crows, a question came into Akbar’s head. He wondered how many crows were there in his kingdom.

 

Since Birbal was accompanying him, he asked Birbal this question. After a moment’s thought, Birbal replied, “There are ninety-five thousand four hundred and sixty-three crows in the Kingdom”.

 

Amazed by his quick response, Akbar tried to test him again, “What if there are more crows than you answered?” Without hesitating Birbal replied, “If there are more crows than my answer, then some crows are visiting from other neighboring kingdoms”. “And what if there are less crows”, Akbar asked. “Then some crows from our kingdom have gone on holidays to other places”.

 

Moral: There is always a way if you think with ease.

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(-_-)

I was busy fixing the fridge in the kitchen, the Television was on the discovery channel and I heard the statement, “Perception is Reality.” I have been going over this in my mind for days. I have found I can relate this to so much that it must be true.

 

I remember the old saying that every one is four people, the one their family see’s them as, the one their friends see them as, the way they see them self and what they really are.

 

Ron, a good friend of mine, told me that the earth has a beginning and an end, just like everything else in this universe. Take a ball and toss it in the sky and then it comes down and catch it. That is the life of the earth from beginning to end. Now imagine, how short the earths life is and then imagine your life in that time frame.

 

I also recall this, we see one image with two eyes, we call it a sunrise when it is the earth that rotates. The sky is blue yet night reveals that it is really black and filled with stars which are planets and suns at a great distance.

 

We sat and watched the movie, “Walk of Shame,” it truly gave me what I was looking for with the statement, “Perception is Reality,” because in this film, a Blonde in a slinky yellow dress was lost in L.A. and as she tried to make it to her job, every one perceived her as a “crack whore.” When in reality she was a reporter who had lost her car and trying to make it across the big city on foot with no money, no phone and no idea where she is. I can see this every day as we judge others by their appearance.

 

Remember this, it is what it is…

(~_~)

Once upon a time a daughter complained to her father that her life was miserable and that she didn’t know how she was going to make it. She was tired of fighting and struggling all the time. It seemed just as one problem was solved, another one soon followed. Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.

Once the three pots began to boil, he placed potatoes in one pot, eggs in the second pot and ground coffee beans in the third pot. He then let them sit and boil, without saying a word to his daughter. The daughter, moaned and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. After twenty minutes he turned off the burners. He took the potatoes out of the pot and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. He then ladled the coffee out and placed it in a cup.

Turning to her, he asked. “Daughter, what do you see?” “Potatoes, eggs and coffee,” she hastily replied.

“Look closer”, he said, “and touch the potatoes.” She did and noted that they were soft.

He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. Its rich aroma brought a smile to her face.

“Father, what does this mean?” she asked.

He then explained that the potatoes, the eggs and coffee beans had each faced the same adversity-the boiling water. However, each one reacted differently. The potato went in strong, hard and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak. The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard. However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.

“Which one are you?” he asked his daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Moral: In life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is how you choose to react to it and what you make out of it. Life is all about leaning, adopting and converting all the struggles that we experience into something positive.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I posted this story a long time ago

but it was a great reminder when I read it again.

Chinese Parable of the Lost Axe by Lie Zi

 

A man who lost his axe suspected his neighbor’s son of stealing it. To him, as he observed the boy, the way the lad walked, the expression on his face, the manner of his speech – in fact everything about his appearance and behavior betrayed that he had stolen the axe.

 

Not long afterwards the man found his axe while digging in his cellar. When he saw his neighbor’s son again, nothing about the boy’s behavior nor appearance seemed to suggest that he had stolen the axe.

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Little Sunshine and I went to eat at the Chinese buffet today, then went bowling (that was something she wanted to do) but when we finished eating and they brought out the fortune cookies, mine was absent any fortune. No little paper with wit and wisdom, nor the lucky numbers on the back that are not very lucky any way. So, I have never gotten a fortune cookie without a fortune before. What could this mean? That I am fortunate enough? (~_~) Art~

Here are some really funny sayings discovered in fortune cookies:

  • A closed mouth gathers no feet. 
  • A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
  • A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind, and won’t change the subject.
  • An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly.
  • Do not mistake temptation for opportunity.
  • Flattery will go far tonight.
  • He who laughs at himself never runs out of things to laugh at.
  • He who laughs last is laughing at you.
  • He who throws dirt is losing ground. 
  • Some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies.
  • The greatest danger could be your stupidity. 
  • The world may be your oyster, but it doesn’t mean you’ll get its pearl. 
  • You will be hungry again in one hour.
  • You can always find happiness at work on Friday.
  • Confucius say: if you think you’re going to sum up your whole life on this little bit of paper, you’re crazy.

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(~_~)

 

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him,”Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

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A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish”

“Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

these two stories found here...

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(~_~)

A crow lived in the forest and was absolutely satisfied in life. But one day he saw a swan. “This swan is so white,” he thought, “and I am so black. This swan must be the happiest bird in the world.”

 

He expressed his thoughts to the swan. “Actually,” the swan replied, “I was feeling that I was the happiest bird around until I saw a parrot, which has two colors. I now think the parrot is the happiest bird in creation.” The crow then approached the parrot. The parrot explained, “I lived a very happy life until I saw a peacock. I have only two colors, but the peacock has multiple colors.”

 

The crow then visited a peacock in the zoo and saw that hundreds of people had gathered to see him. After the people had left, the crow approached the peacock. “Dear peacock,” the crow said, “you are so beautiful. Every day thousands of people come to see you. When people see me, they immediately shoo me away. I think you are the happiest bird on the planet.”

 

The peacock replied, “I always thought that I was the most beautiful and happy bird on the planet. But because of my beauty, I am entrapped in this zoo. I have examined the zoo very carefully, and I have realized that the crow is the only bird not kept in a cage. So for past few days I have been thinking that if I were a crow, I could happily roam everywhere.”

the crow

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(~_~)

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